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February 23, 2008, Saturday

1/6400s | f1.8 | 75mm | Cousin Shi Jie, curiously examining a lotus seed head.

I want to be a kid again. Sure, I still get asked for my ID when getting my favourite bottle of alcoholic beverage, (product placement opportunity available), but I feel old and worse, has the distinctive cynicism of a bitter old man. My mum said I was a bundle of joy but I remember being more of a bundle of mischief as a young boy; I had such incredible energy and curiosity which led to a great many adventures. As a kid, I used to wonder what laid beyond the range of hills near my house and would often imagine wondrous ruined cities on the other side. Now, I couldn't care less; it's probably just another boring residential area over those hills I didn't quite manage to summit.

What changed? Well, I went to school, started work and basically grew up. Schools teach you to be sensible, work sets you up on a menial routine and growing up gives you a world-view seen through preconceived perceptions. Before I know it, my favourite quote has become "The world is round; it has no point". When you really think about it, there's no point in anything but don't let my cynicism rub off on you.

Sometimes I wish the world works backwards; you would start as an old man and grow young. You would get the cynicism out of the way and at your prime, have immense energy to climb hills and mountains. You would live a passionate life and die a happy tot; is that not a wonderful, whimsical thought?

I can never be a kid again. I wonder if that's why people decide to have kids. That's probably it; to see one's offspring live the life one can't have must be somewhat comforting and make one less of a cynic.

Note: I'm no cynic; the above is a draft of this piece of writing (god forbid I call it a novel!) I've finally decided to start working on. It's supposed to be semi-autobiographical (a darker/smarter/wittier me) but we'll see how that pans out. And I'm serious about that product placement thing (Diageo, call me!).
posted at 06:30 PM